Your body tells you that you’re ready to have a baby as soon as you get your first period. Doctors say pregnancy is best before you hit 35.Your parents want you to have one precisely 9 months after you get married.

A few years of marriage or committed relationship, and even your friends start asking intrusive questions and wonder how come you’re not considering getting pregnant. So...when to have a baby?

But when can you really be sure that you’re ready to have a baby? Here are just some of the signs that your time might have arrived.

When to have a baby

The Tick-Tock Syndrome: One of the surest and most reliable signs that you’re ready – your mind succumbs to the Tick-Tock Syndrome. Unlike other average day-do-day apprehensions, the Tick-Tock Syndrome is characterized by a compulsive, single-minded focus on procreation. Whether you’re single or in a couple, 25, 38 or 45 years of age, there’s a predictable pattern to how you respond to desirable men.

You no longer yearn for such things as relationship, companionship or even intimacy. Instead, at the sight of an attractive stranger, your mind goes tick-tock-tick-tock-he’s-the-one-tick-tock-I-hope-he’s-great-with-kids-tick-tock-I-hope-they-get-his-eyes-tick-tock-tick-tock-oh-but-let-me-first-ask-him-his-name-tick-tock. You get the drift.

Baby Lust: The second most reliable sign, Baby Lust is the virus that makes you stop unsuspecting moms walking their babies and bombard them with questions about well, babies. It also gets your partner justifiably annoyed at your sudden shift of focus from him to the toddlers at restaurants and babies at malls.

Secret visits to the baby section: While this sign only manifests in those who have been affected by both the Tick-Tock Syndrome as well as Baby Lust to a very high degree, it is probably the final confirmation that you are absolutely ready for a baby – You no longer wander into the shoe section at malls, but end up paying secret visits to the baby section. You visit frequently and end up annoying even the sales girls with your Ohhhs and awwwws.

Surfing Baby Stuff: Another activity you indulge in, in private, this one causes your partner to wonder if you’re having an online affair or secretly surfing porn. Only on keeping a tab on your history pages would he realize that he’s in for a way bigger surprise. Why would you be shopping online for baby rattles?  Or talking to women who want to conceive on public forums? Make sure you tell him about your baby obsession before he concludes you’re pregnant. And it’s not him.

"Children all over" holidays:  This one one happened to me while was on a relaxing trip in Italy, one of those tuscany farm holidays (you know, in a converted farmhouse) on my birthday. There were lots families with kids about, and they just seemed to be having  so much fun. I was supposed to be out enjoying myself, visiting ancient and cultural sites - but all I could think of was having a baby and starting a family! My husband was wondering why I was so absent minded...But well - thats the way it goes! Time to have a baby-talk!

Baby Talk: Probably the most annoying of the lot, this one alters the information sent to your brain to get you to believe that everyone in your life is a two year old – your partner, your friends, your colleagues, your siblings, you name it. As a result, you end up asking people to “pass the chips pweesh” and telling your partner (in bed) “you were sho aweshome shweetie!” Thankfully, this isn’t all that commonplace.

So, there... if you have any or many of these symptoms, you might want to talk to your partner or in rare cases, get yourself a partner. Whether they like it or not, it’s baby time, folks!